Because this book will shock your brains out. You will read stuff in these pages that will contradict almost everything you’ve heard so far about attraction, finding love, romance, courtship, engagement and preparing for marriage.
Can I be blunt? Here’s one major, MAJOR reason why you’re not married… even after years of waiting and waiting and waiting…
You’ve got wrong beliefs.
So wrong they’re way out of the solar system.
So to help you find your Lifetime Partner, I will, in this book, smash (destroy, demolish, crash, obliterate) all your wrong beliefs upon the rocks. These will include…
- Crazy beliefs that you’ve gotten from religious leaders. (Yep, them, too.)
- Insane principles you’ve inherited from friends or family.
- Nutty ideas you’ve gotten from media. (That’s obvious.)
So if you want that relaxing time on the hammock—stop reading this book. (Get my other books.) But if you’re ready to change your life, change your beliefs, (and possibly change your status!) and have the guts to do it, then I dare you, go ahead.
— Bo Sanchez
I used to be that person who at the age of 21 vowed of never marrying. Ironically, I’ve had a boyfriend a few years later which only lasted for two months. However, after the split, we still continued going out which eventually became just a phone relationship for some reason known only to us for five straight years. Some called it “Friends with benefits” (Meaning, we’d talk on the phone like romantic couples do, this time, without commitment. Just friends.) If I have to go back again, I won’t ever do it again. For it prevented me from meeting a lot of potentially better guys because this other guy, the ex, still preoccupied my heart and mind. And our old issues and problems kept coming back because of it. Then one day, I took the liberty to end the so-called friendship so we could both move on and focus on our own separate lives. He obliged. That was my independence day.
I am single for many years and if I’m meant to be single for the rest of my life, I am so not worried about it. I’m now in my early 30s and I have to admit that I still think about the possibilities, that love and marriage have remained part of my curiosity and wonder.
So I read this book about finding true love by Bo Sanchez. Especially now that I’m attracted to somebody (I’m still a human being, you know) and that somebody had expressed how much he loves me but due to some circumstances that I’d rather not divulge here, we mutually agreed to remain as we are, as very close friends. I also would like to share that it was my older sister who told me about this book and shared inspiring quotes from it. I was so inspired with what she shared that I bought my own copy.
“How to find your one true love” by Bo Sanchez includes 8 steps to attract God’s best for the single person but I won’t share them here. Rather, I’ve copied here the 11 myths about love and relationship that are based on the author’s personal experiences and the stories of people who shared a piece of their tragic love story with him.
Bo says, “I speak to all, but especially to women. For the sake of brevity and simplicity, I use the female gender in my sentences– instead of writing ‘him/her,’ ‘girlfriend/boyfriend,’ ‘husband/wife.’ So it will seem as though I’m writing exclusively for women. No, I’m not. But I admit that I speak more about their concerns. I speak to all, but especially to mature singles.”
So here it goes. The wrong beliefs we’ve had for a long, long time that put us into a lot of trouble and heartache.
Myth #1: Just wait—and marriage will come knocking at your door when you least expect it.
This myth may be true for a few but it won’t be true for many. I repeat: I know a lot of single women in their fifties who are still single because they believe in this myth.
Here’s my point: You need to take deliberate action so you can meet all sorts of people. You need to take deliberate action so you can attract the kind of spouse you want. It’s deliberate action that’s relaxed. Confident. Trusting. But deliberate nonetheless.
I’m not talking about desperate singles. Oh please, not that.
Everybody knows that desperate singles are a potent turn-off, like extra-strong perfume in a tiny elevator. You can’t breathe. You just want to run out. And that’s what guys do. They smell desperate women headed down their path. They feel their deadly vibrations a mile away and run for their lives.
Just a little side note: Money works the same way. I’ve learned that people too desperate for money won’t attract too much money. But people who are confident that money will come to them will attract money easily.
Myth #2: There’s one person out there meant for me.
This insane belief is so popular.
Almost every one I’ve talked to believes that somewhere out there in the world is “one specific person God has chosen for me.” That out of three billion males (or females), the Almighty has handpicked one person to be my spouse.
Some say that even the Bible seems to say this: Eve was a rib taken from Adam—the rib being close to his heart. They were two halves searching for each other. (This was Plato’s idea, too.) But friends here’s the truth: God has not pre-selected one person out there for you.
Dear friends, God does not select one person for your life. Instead, He opens up the whole world to you and says, “I give you a phenomenal brain to use—to judge, to value, to think, to pray, to choose well—and attract a man worthy of your love. See to it that he will be a good husband and a good father to your children.”
Yes, there are many possibilities out there—and you’re free to choose what you believe would be the best husband for your life. In other words, many possible people can be your One True Love.
Myth #3: The first time you meet your one true love, you’ll know he’s the one.
Because of this myth, we might miss Mr. Right.
The person is right under your nose, and you don’t see him! Why? Because you secretly pine for love at first sight. You’re looking for the fireworks. The sparks. The palpitations. The butterflies in the tummy. So you overlook ordinary persons around you.
Because he doesn’t look handsome enough.
Because he’s short.
Because he speaks funny.
Because he’s so ordinary.
Because he’s not as rich as you want him to be.
Because he doesn’t even smell nice.
Too bad, because you’re not able to discover his heart of gold, his solid values, his ability to be faithful, his integrity, his self-control, his passion for life…
Myth #4: God will guide me to my one true love through supernatural signs.
Instead of asking of signs, ask for the kind of spouse you want.
I’ve learned this unbreakable law of life: You get what you settle for. So know what you want in a marriage partner. Many people don’t take this crucial step.
When you go shopping, you have a shopping list in your hand—so that you don’t miss anything. As corny as this may sound, you need to do this. When they choose a marriage partner, many people just wing it, usually because they believe in this next myth…
Myth #5: Love will conquer all.
This myth is deadly. This one myth has caused more suffering in marriages than any other.
I’ve heard this many times before: “Bo, I want my potential husband to be free from addictions. Obviously. But my suitor now has a drinking problem. But Bo, I’m 42. I can’t be picky. I think I’ll accept him and pray that love will conquer all.”
Follow these two rules:
Singles, tell yourself over and over again: I’d rather remain single than be married to the wrong person. Chisel that on stone and engrave it in gold. Please.
Because the most miserable person I’ve met in the world are those married to the wrong persons—the incurable playboy, the alcoholic, the irresponsible bum, the drug addict, the sex addict, the one with the uncontrollable temper, the chronic liar…
Words are not enough to describe the pain.
Here’s a second rule. Tell yourself, “I won’t even entertain anyone to be my boyfriend until that person has been sober from his addiction for at least a year. The person must change now—not after I say yes to him.”
Myth #6: Marriage will make me happy.
No, it won’t.
If you were not happy before getting married, you won’t be happy after you get married. Marriage is like a magnifying glass. It simply magnifies the misery or the happiness that you had as a single person. So if you want a happy marriage, here’s my formula.
Happy Man + Happy Woman = Happy Marriage
I love it. It’s so simple and so true. It’s so flexible too…
Loving Man + Loving Woman = Loving Marriage
Look for a man who loves his parents, loves his siblings, loves the poor… and the probability is high that he’ll be loving you, too. Here’s another example.
Responsible Man + Responsible Woman = Responsible Marriage
Here’s the irony: When you don’t need to be married because you’re living such a happy life, you have more chances of getting married.
You’ve heard this before, but I’ll say it again. Your first move isn’t to look for Mr. Right. Your first move is to work on yourself so that you become Ms. Right. And when you become Ms. Right, you become a magnet: You attract him to your life.
Myth #7: God wants me to marry the father of my baby.
Some of us make mistakes. We fall into premarital sex and have a baby. Some of us believe that because “God gave us a baby,” He must want me to marry this person—even if you know he’s the most irresponsible bum in the world.
Hey, God doesn’t want you to repair a mistake with another mistake. If he won’t be a good husband and a good father, don’t marry him.
Myth #8: God wants me to marry the person I had sex with.
This is a slightly edited version of the previous myth.
I’ve met women who told me, “Bo, my boyfriend and I already went all the way. I guess I’ll have to marry him, even if I have so much doubts…”
No, no, no!
Face those doubts. What are they? Virginity is important. It’s one of the best gifts you can give to your spouse. But if you lost it, ask forgiveness from God, and commit yourself to secondary virginity. But never marry because you’ve lost your virginity.
Myth #9: God wants me to marry so I could change “his” life.
No, you can’t change your boyfriend.
In fact, whatever weaknesses he has as a single person will be magnified three times more when he gets married to you. Does he have a temper? Get ready for giant volcanic eruptions—more frequent, more intense, more horrifying. Is he lazy? He’ll transform before your eyes to become Mr. Super Lazy.
Okay, maybe you can change him. Through intense prayer. Through massive pain. Through immense sacrifice. Through daily martyrdom. Through an endless river of tears.
Maybe. Maybe it’ll take… oh, about 30 or 40 or 50 years of pain.
Sister, you’ve got choices!
Myth #10: God wants me to marry the person who loves me most.
Let’s say both Patrick and Wilson are in love with you.
But Patrick is desperate for you.
He’s fallen madly, insanely in love with you. You’re his universe. You’re the sun and he’s the earth revolving around you. He calls you up 46 times a day. And if you let him, he’ll spend 18 hours with you a day. He says that he can’t leave without you, he can’t breathe without you, and he can’t exist without you. He’s threatened suicide if you leave him. Patrick is also exciting to be with.
But then there’s this other chap, Wilson.
This guy likes you a lot, but he’s not as desperate.
He doesn’t call you 46 times a day. Usually just once a day. He visits you twice a week perhaps, and only for two or three hours per visit.
So, whom should you marry? It’s tempting to automatically say, “Patrick, of course!” But what if I tell you that Patrick is a playboy? Or what if he’s got gambling addiction?
Friend, the amount of romantic love a person has for you isn’t a sign from God that you should marry him. You must marry the best person for your life—looking at his character, his sense of responsibility, his values…
Here’s the lesson: Don’t judge a person by the measure of his romantic love. Instead, judge a person by the measure of his committed love towards his parents, his siblings, his God and to himself.
Because how he loves his parents and siblings will usually be how he’ll love you in the future.
Myth #11: God wants me to marry whomever I fall in love with.
Get ready to be blown away by my statement: Never marry because of love.
I know Die-hard romantics will never forgive me for that statement. But I want to save you from years and years of heartache. I’ll say it again: Never marry because of love.
Only marry because you’ve found the RIGHT partner—and choose to love him forever. (By “right,” I mean that he has what it takes to be a good husband and good father to your future children.)
Romantic love is like the wind—here today and gone tomorrow. Strong like a violent storm today (“I can’t stop thinking about him!”) and dead as a rock the next day. (“What’s his name again?”)
I love what Scott Peck, the author of the classic The Road Less Travelled, says about true love. He says that true love begins only when one falls out of love. Because true love has to be willed. There’s got to be a decision involved. While you’re in love with someone, love is involuntary. You just love. (The feeling of love falls on you like a brick from the sky hitting your head—wham!—and you don’t know what hit you.) But when you fall out of love, and you still make a choice to love, then that’s the beginning of true love.