Monthly Archives: May, 2013

fuck you

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language today is the word fuck.  It is one magical word which just by its sound can describe pain, pleasure, hate and love.  Fuck, as most words in the English language, takes its name from the German word frikon, which means whoopee.

In language, fuck falls into many grammatical categories.  It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary.) and intransitive (Mary was fucked by John.).  It can be an active verb (John gives a fuck.), or as a passive verb (Mary really doesn’t give a fuck.).  As you can see, there are not too many words with the versatility of fuck.

Besides its sexual connections, this lovely word can be used to describe many situations as follows:

FRAUD:  I got fucked by my insurance agent.

TROUBLE:  I guess I’m fucked now.

DISMAY:  Oh!  Fuck it!

AGGRESSION:  Fuck you!

PASSIVE:  Fuck me!

CONFUSION:  What the fuck?

DIFFICULTY:  I can’t understand this fucking business.

DESPAIR:  Fucked again.

PHILOSOPHICAL:   Who gives a fuck?

INCOMPETENCE:  He’s a fuck-up

LAZINESS:  He’s a fuck-off.

DISPLEASURE:  What the fuck’s going on around here?

REBELLION:  Fuck the world.

It can be used in descriptive anatomy:  He’s really a fucking asshole.

It can be used to tell the time.  It’s fucking five-thirty.

It can be maternal:  Mother fucker

It can be nautical:  Fuck the Admiral

It can be political:  Fuck IRS

It can open the door to wonderful relationships:  Let’s fuck baby.

It can be used to enhance the meaning of the word:  Fucking Beautiful

The mind fairly boggles at the many creative forms of use for this most functional word.  How can anyone be offended when you say fuck? Use it in your daily speech, it adds to your prestige.

Taken from the book “Green and Bear It:  For Adults Only (With the Consent of Children)” by Gary Lising




“If you love your spouse, you will remain faithful.  If you love your children, you will not mind sacrificing your comfort for their sake.  If you love truth, you will not deceive others no matter what.  If you love your work, you will do it well.”

— Teresa R. Tunay, OCDS

my happy song

I began to like his songs after he died. I don’t know what song of his that I’ve heard that made me change my mind basta all of a sudden I like his music entirely. What I know for sure is that “New York, New York” by Frank Sinatra is my happy song right now. I listen to this like a schizophrenic, I don’t get tired listening to it again and again, over and over.

election time

Tomorrow, May 13, is the local and national midterm election.  But before you vote, a friendly reminder:


even when we sleep

I remember feeling lethargic that night, tired.  And whenever it gets to this, I’d be like a zombie, walk like a zombie, lazy to do anything except eat, or watch TV, and get some nap while sitting on our bamboo chair, looking groggy.  I was already sleepy but I remained stuck sitting and  napping while the TV was on.  Later, I remember opening my eyes seeing the Philippine National Anthem being played on TV which signified the TV station’s closing time, which was usually around midnight.  So I turned the TV off, then brushed my teeth.  Then I laid down my tired body to rest.

I remember looking at my cellphone, reading the old text messages of my ex even if my eyelids were already drooping.  I remember waking up from my brief sleep, sort of half-awake and I was wondering why I couldn’t open my right eye. My left eye could see but I couldn’t open it wide, not enough to see clearly what I was seeing, an image of my father carrying a bag telling me to sleep who then slowly walked away.  I thought that was weird, why was my father holding a bag? And why was it I couldn’t see clearly, I could see the light from the outside which was our sala room since I do not close my bedroom door because I’m afraid of the dark, but how come I found it difficult to keep my eyes open.  It was only a minute ago or so that I fell into a brief sleep.

I tried to rise from my bed even if I couldn’t see clearly but I felt something was holding me tight, holding me back, and I heard a very deep male-sounding voice, sounding demonic it got me so scared  that I collapsed into my bed.  I tried to move but couldn’t, I couldn’t hear my voice when I tried to speak, then, to shout.  I heard nothing.  I felt like there was an invisible being preventing me from moving, making me deaf or a mute, I don’t know.  If I don’t fight it, I feel like I would die.  So thinking it might be evil, I struggled to say the word “Jesus Christ, keep me away from harm.”  I still couldn’t move, couldn’t hear my voice.  I tried again and said, “In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.”  I still couldn’t move, couldn’t hear my voice   I felt like somebody was on top of me while I was lying to my side, an invisible presence that I couldn’t see but could only feel.

This wasn’t the first time this happened to me so I tried that thing that I’d always do as my last resort:   I screamed with all my strength until I could hear my voice. I heard my voice, thank God I could hear my voice and finally, I was able to open my eyes wide and saw the light from the sala room.  Then I saw my younger brother, looking from the outside checking what the hell happened to me in my room.  I told him the story that he has heard so many times, same scenario over and over again, but this time, I didn’t see a shadow coming over me. The time was around 1:40AM.  Yes, this has happened to me before, oftentimes before at irregular intervals but it is only now that I did some research about it in the Internet.

There are various theories/ reasons why a person experiences bangungot or what doctors scientifically called as “Sudden Unexplained Nocturnal Death Syndrome.” There is this “eating heavy meal/drinking alcohol shortly before sleeping” theory, “problems in the electric impulses in the heart” theory, “the acute pancreatitis” theory, and the “too much stress” theory.  Reading each article seems valid, seems true, particularly because they came from medical experts or a scientific study.  One said that since I survived SUNDS, what happened to me could only be called as “sleep paralysis.” The info I got, though you may not believe it, perfectly describes what I am going through when experiencing what they called as “bangungot” or at times called “sleep paralysis”:

“Sleep paralysis is not unique to the bangungut syndrome. It is a common and ancient sleeping disorder attributed to demons and malevolent spirits, characterized by a feeling of immobility, being pinned down by an invisible force, unable to move and unable to scream for help. Inevitably, it becomes embellished with the creatures of culture and superstition.

Sleep paralysis usually occurs at the threshold of wakefulness and sleep, hypnagogic when one is falling asleep, hypnopompic when one is waking up, with the accompaniments of falling sensation, chest pressure, and presence of shadowy creatures.”

But my high school friend had a different take about my experience.  She talked about the power of our subconscious even when we are asleep.

My friend said it could be that my body was already shut down, asleep, but my subconscious was not.  That was why when I tried to get up and struggled with it, and heard a very deep male-sounding voice, what I thought I heard was demonic, like as if he/it didn’t like what I did, she said that was me, moaning, who was physically asleep but subconsciously awake.  My friend advised me not to sleep when I’m stressed or so tired.  There has to be first a “cooling down” or rest that I have to do before I lie to bed.  It’s possible that I’m bothered about so many things, stressed about so many things. She cited one extreme example of a girl who suffers from bangungot but I forgot the whole story because it was so shocking, maybe because the story wasn’t applicable to my case.  My friend also mentioned about the possibility of  “possessions” because when we are asleep that is the state where we are the most vulnerable and defenseless.  So she advised me to pray before I sleep.  Praying is one way to “cool down” my tired spirit.

I’d like to admit here that yes, I am sleep deprived and have irregular sleep schedule.  I told my friend that I forgot to pray that night.