Exactly 20 years ago, I was an avid listener of Jam 88.3, the radio station then with no commercials. Jam’s playlist became my lifeline from 2004 until they reformatted. Glad I took time to compile a few songs from their playlist, played by the original DJs that time. I find it a miracle that the cassette tapes where I recorded the songs still play.

I bought this first album of Gary Valenciano on 23 December 2004, my only physical album of Gary Valenciano’s music. I know the date of purchase because I’d always put a date when I buy a book or CD (or cassette tape in the old days) together with my name in handwriting. It is a reissue of the first album of Gary V., what many affectionately calls him. As soon as I saw it on the rack, I took it to the cashier to buy. I just could not believe it is that long, I thought I only had it in 2010s or a few years ago.

“Gary,” the first album from 1984, contains ten songs: You Got Me Working, Betty’s in Bed, Love of Mine, After All, Drives Me Mad, ‘Cause You Cause Me, Hurry, Hang On, Stolen Moments, and A Fool Till the End (the last song is a song for his wife).

I never had a Gary V. album before since I do not consider myself a fan. But I do like his music. I mean, who wouldn’t like any of his songs? Can’t forget that moment when I checked my older sister’s things to borrow from her (sometimes without her knowing, it’s just there in her cabinet, anyway) the cassette tapes of the Greatest Hits I and II of Gary V.

Our TV viewing at home, the main source of entertainment back in the day (because now everything is on social media), includes watching a Gary V. concert. During those times, famous artists like Gary V.’s live successful concerts would be shown months later on TV, not complete, though, so it would still be fair for those who paid to watch the concert.

Growing up, whatever or whoever artists my older siblings liked, I like as well. And these include Gary V. I trusted the music tastes of everyone around me at home. I thought, it must be fun to be a fan of someone. I would see how my older sister would get excited, come alive seeing Gary V. sing and dance. I would get the same joy as well but less intense or quiet but in awe. I just thought, ang galing ni Gary V. Came teenage years, the Eraserheads entered the picture. And that was the first time that I experienced becoming a fan, it was indeed fun admiring someone or something that makes us excited about life whenever we hear or see them. Something that we can relate to.

I remember in 2004, Gary V. has been recognized already as an icon with so many successful concerts, albums, endorsements, awards and recognitions under his belt. But an icon also means being no longer the most sought-after or what people are looking for in a show. Icons are there to add prestige to a show. For there are new, promising ones providing us also the real, world class entertainment, providing new audiences to make the show well-attended. But an icon also means someone who got nothing more to prove but to set a good example, whose hard and polished work still wows us every now and then. Gary V. is a Filipino music icon who adapts to the times. He is celebrating his 40 years in the entertainment world or business this year with the culminating event, a big concert, at the Mall of Asia Arena on 26 and 27 April 2024.

When I say entertainment, please do not take this word lightly. For we are all going through something. Aside from the terrifying wars of domination and greed, affecting our mental health, there are personal trials that we need to cope with as humans, as individuals. Music gives us that feeling that a community that cares still exists. Like the music of Gary V. It not just entertain us, it transforms our mental, psychological, or physical state into something magical amidst harsh realities.

The past days and weeks I was having a marathon of Gary V.’s past albums to catch up on what he has done that I did not know about especially in the last decade. It made me sad that in the last two decades, most of the albums that Gary V. released were revivals. I could not blame him entirely because 2000 onwards was when cover songs and albums became so rampant. It was the sign of the times, Gary V. was adapting to the times. Can’t forget an article I read from a newspaper that Gary V. wanted to release new songs but he was discouraged to do so by producers or something, I do not remember anymore the reason. Not sure if it was because of the millennium thing, that it was the beginning of the new century making the past seemed so old and gray and needs reviving? All I know is that it was a period when I would rather listen to silence. It was when, to me, the local music industry was in a coma, I do not know what exactly happened there I could only share my observations but I remember being thirsty and hungry for OPM that it came to a point that the Aegis I once hated became one of the things I liked because they were one of the rare few making their own music despite the times.

But thank God that Gary V. did not just adapt to the times or just went with the flow, he adapts by making new arrangements every now and then to his classic, old songs to make them sound fresh to the young ones of today, to different audiences. The outcome is epic: old fans have remained loyal, after seeing all his efforts to stay relevant in the business that he loves. It is obvious that although music is a business, music is his vocation, his advocacy. As a result, his old, classic songs do not sound old. Always the first time when you hear any of them. This is the magic of Gary V. Instead of being part of the competition, Gary V. did collaboration with other artists, amateurs and professionals, old and new, popular or not.

This was apparent when I attended “Gary V: Back at the Music Museum” last 30 November 2023. It was a magical experience, you could see him almost flying with joy, obvious that the stage or performing in front of a crowd is his passion, his life. He was there entertaining us who were mostly strangers to him or people he does not know. But he made us feel like he knew each one of us, why we were there in the first place. He does not need to know our background. For a crowd in a concert is a community of human beings who are there to experience something, his presence and his music. To get away from our self-absorbed selves and watch someone at the center of our attention who seems to be a reminder that life is still beautiful and that there is more out there to see and experience. Just hang on.

This was the opening performance of his Nov 30 concert at the Music Museum (my first to see him live), you will hear my solo “wooo!” in the opening. Thank God someone from the audience took a video of this which gave me the chance again to watch it, front view, for I was sitting on the left side.

I learned that some members of the audience attended Gary V’s concert series at the Music Museum more than once or twice, proof that one can’t get enough of Gary V.

Yesterday, my younger brother asked me how long my obsession with Gary V. will last. He used the word “obsession” in a positive way, which to him means something that interest you strongly at the moment, that keeps you preoccupied or engrossed while away from work. Because I was watching his interviews, performances, vlog online. And because I was not like this before. I said matter-of-factly that it is not an obsession. It is because I have turned into a fan. I learned “Reaching Out” is his favorite Gary V. song.

I liked “Reaching Out“, too, when I was much younger, (which is a part of a soundtrack of a movie where Gary V. acted on) but now, although I liked this next one when I was younger as well, it is now “Look in Her Eyes.” I feel like Gary V. is singing to me! The song is perfection. However, because Gary V. has video recording of “Reaching Out” in 2022 on his YouTube channel, it rekindled my interest on the song. When I was at the “Gary V: Back at the Music Museum” last 30 November, when he sang this song, this was the portion that he walked towards the audience, to be near us, to serenade us with the song.

Christmas day and two days before that were spent listening to Gary V.’s first two decades of his music career. Thanks to Spotify, YouTube, and Google. I have listened also to some of his albums in the last two decades but it is the first two decades that is the most prolific for Gary V, with new songs almost every year, the ones that I find more interesting. Among Gary V’s songs, my all-time favorite is again, “Look in Her Eyes.” I remember he sang this back in 1994 to entertain the Miss Universe candidates, not on the coronation night, but during the preliminaries or behind the scenes of the pageant. I got curious from which album and what year it originated from. I also got curious with his other famous songs.

So, I went into a marathon, I listened to his each entire album that I could find online. The second and third album do not have complete album set online but I have the complete playlist so I just searched them one by one to listen to them. I consolidated here songs so you can explore or revisit from his second album from 1985 up to his last album in 1999, or before the millennium, before the revivals. I also included his two albums from 2006 and 2014 when he released new songs. I also highlighted (in blue text, so you can listen to them) my favorite tracks from each album.

Gary… Next (1985). There are 10 songs: Move Your Body, Reaching Out, Courtesy of Video, Once Upon a Life, Everything is You, Who’s Next in Line, Di Na Natuto, Pat on the Back, Goodbye My Friend, and Song to a Mother

Gary… Inside Out (1986). There are 10 songs: Power of Love, Paano, Don’t Hold Back, Could We, Ang Umiibig, More Than Just Imagination, Close Your Eyes, Beyond Control, On The Road, and ‘Wag Mo Na Sanang Isipin.

Moving Thoughts (1987). There are nine songs: Di Bale Na Lang, What More Can I Say, You Got Me Working, ‘Wag Mo Na Sanang Isipin, It’s Over, Di Na Natuto, Take Me Out of the Dark, Sana Maulit Muli, and Saturday Night.

Faces of Love (1989). There are nine songs: Mahal na Mahal Ko Siya, Each Passing Night, Narito, Eto Na Naman, Is This Love?, Laughter All The Time, Look in Her Eyes, Natutulog Ba Ang Diyos?, and Letting Go.

Shout for Joy (1991). There are eight songs: Shout for Joy, For You, Could You Be Messiah, Natutulog Ba Ang Diyos?, That’s Why, Gaya ng Dati, Letting Go, and Search & Know.

Dancing in the Moonlight (1992). There are 10 songs: Dancin’ in the Moonlight, Get On Up, Paradise 4 2, I Know What You Want, Caroline, Is This Love?, It’s Not the End of the World, Lovers and Friends (Bye Bye Baby), Time’s Up, and These Eyes.

Hataw Na (1993). There are nine songs: Hataw Na, Tara Na, Muli, Alam Ko Na, Halina, Sa Yahweh ang Sayaw, Tunay, Dinggin Ang Tawag Ko, Babalik Ka Rin, and Hataw Na (Club Mix).

Outside Looking In (1995).There are 10 songs: Look in Her Eyes, The Perfect Year, These Eyes, I Know for Sure, When the Body Talks, Surrender, Turn It Up, Paradise 4 2, Get On Up, and That’s Why.

Interactive (1999). There are 12 songs: (Everybody) Get Down, Only I, More and More, As You Are, Di Bale Na Lang, Take Me Out of the Dark, May Kasama Ka, Face to Face, Ikaw Lamang, Show Me the Way, Pampanga, (Everybody) Get Down (old skool edit), and As You Are (band version).

Relevance (2006). There are 12 songs: Wait Forever, You Gave Me Reason, Kailan Pa, Did It Forever, Only A Friend, Shake It Off, You Are, What You Want, ‘ Wag Mo Na Sanang Isipin, In Another Lifetime, Sana Bukas, and Even for a While.

With You (2014). There are 10 songs: He’s Enough, With You, Kapit Pinoy, No Mount Too High, Ngiti, Saytay, Para Sa ‘Yo Ama, The Answer, Come to Jesus, and In You.

You don’t have to be a fan to be able to watch a Gary V. concert. There is no pre-requisite, no condition for you to have the right to watch a Gary V. concert. I like Gary V. songs, I have money, and so I went.

I caught myself saying before that I have never been a fan of Gary V. BUT I DO LIKE HIS SONGS. He is amazing, a total performer. So, I am reflecting now why I have said that.

As far back as I can recall, I remember Gary as super popular, so popular that he even appeared in movies as a leading man of famous actresses. Childhood memories of mine include watching a Gary V. concert on TV because our eldest sibling is a fan of Gary V. Perhaps one factor of not being a fan was the age, Gary V. is more than a decade older. Maybe not the age, perhaps his popularity, so popular that I felt I need not be part of that large statistics of fans and admirers. And I used to find him too good to be true. And the only time that I felt the meaning of being a fan was when the Eraserheads came into the music scene. That for the first time, after listening to the kind of music that my older siblings would listen to (which includes Gary V.), there was this band that I could call my very own, they were new and they came during my teenage years, and I felt like the Eraserheads was the representative of our generation, us born in the 70s, and they’re only a few years older.

Three decades later, on 30 November 2023, I found myself in a Gary V. concert called “Gary V: Back at the Music Museum.” I was supposed to be with my eldest sibling, a sister, who is a fan but hours before the concert she messaged me that she could not come. That she would not make it on time.

Good thing our ticket was an e-ticket I bought from Ticketworld and it was a media friend who became my accidental companion to watch the concert with me after I shared on Facebook that I am giving away a free ticket to Gary V’s concert that will happen that night. Media friend was the first to respond who is a fan of Gary V. since 1983.

When we were seated, waiting for the concert to start, my media friend asked, “Fan ka pala ni Gary? Nag-invest talaga kayo ng sister mo to watch his concert?”

My reply was, “Gusto ko sya (Gary V.). And libre ko dapat ito sa ate ko. Sya talaga ang fan.”

The concert, by the way, was sold out.

I only realized now that I haven’t been to an Eraserheads concert eventhough I am a fan.

Gary V: Back at the Music Museum was a concert series that began in August, if I remember correctly. And I only learned about it when I saw its poster on Facebook announcing its last two finale concerts. I did not know a concert series by Gary V. was happening, glad that the Facebook algorithm showed to my newsfeed that poster which was posted by Gary V. himself on his Facebook page.

At the concert, there was one song that I looked forward to see him perform, it was the song “Look in Her Eyes.” In one interview of Gary, he wrote this song as tribute to all the girls and women who came to see him perform and gave him a look in the eye. The song, indeed, could make you feel special as if Gary is only speaking to you. Unlike his previous performances, though, he sang its short version because it was meshed with another song.

Before and after the concert, I was/am watching Gary V’s interviews and old and recent performances that I could find on YouTube, Spotify, and Facebook. I even watched his old movie with Vilma Santos, Ibulong Mo Sa Diyos, which when I was younger, I did not find interest in. I could not get enough of Mr. Gary Valenciano. I have turned into a fan, even developed a crush on him.

Because the concert was Thursday night and there was work on Friday, upon returning to the office, I still got hangover, figuratively speaking, still floating on air, kinikilig to be more accurate, because I met Mr. Gary Valenciano, courtesy of my media friend, Ms. Susan Claire Agbayani, through Ms. Angeli Pangilinan-Valenciano. It was unplanned. I saw the others who also fell in line to meet him briefly in his dressing room, one even brought old records of sir Gary for him to sign.

Let me share that it was only seconds of spending time with sir Gary, took the chance to ask if I could hug him to which he right away said, “Sure!” because I knew it was just a fast moment, but he made me feel so special that I love looking at our pictures together. Next time that I will go to a Gary V. concert I will file for a sick leave for next day for me to relish some more the exciting thing that happened.

Back home, my eldest sibling said if she did come, I would not have met Gary Valenciano. That good thing it was ms. Claire who was the first to respond to my FB post.

Life, indeed, is full of surprises. It felt like a month-long birthday celebration, I turned 45 last November 22. I remember dreading turning 45, haha, it seems so old but what I did not know is that there will be surprises to come my way, one of them was the Gary V. concert.

Remembrance of Gary V: Back at the Music Museum, 30 November 2023:

Thank you!

The Haves. First time I have listened to this track from Eddie Vedder’s 2022 solo album “Earthling” during the holidays (thanks Spotify), while reading each line of the lyrics, I felt this is my song to guide me this new year 2023. These lines became the hook:

We want what we need
We need what’s above
We find ourselves reaching for something above

But we’ve got enough
All of the haves, they have not
Not got half of what we got
The ceiling’s so high
When you’re down on the floor
It’s easy to be wanting
To be wanting more

And these lines:

All of the haves with all that they do
All of the haves, they ain’t got you
They ain’t got you
They ain’t got, they ain’t got
I got you, got you
I got you

While this sounds like an ode to a special someone—automatically with me I thought about that person I admire—I also thought about each person who appreciates me and that I am proud I have worked with or have connections with even if I only see them or get to hear from occasionally, that because I got them as my sources of inspiration, I feel I am blessed. The song is also a reminder about contentment while marching to the beat of my own drum.

Another song that got me was “Long Way” with lyrics that goes:

She took the long way
On the freeway
She took the long way
On the freeway

This song speaks to me, as if I am the “She” in this song. And “long way” to me means taking it slow, reminds me not to be pressured with what I see, with what looks “impressive.” For things are not always what they seem. And that I have a unique path to take and that I have my own timeline and different spiritual journey as a human being even though we are all living in just one world.

The last track, “On My Way,” resonated with me as well. For it connected the “Invincible” opening track and “Long Way” track, it made me feel that I went on a journey through this album, that there was a beginning and an end, that it made me recall the past situations I’ve been in, good and bad, even the feelings I’ve had when recalling those situations. While the rage I feel will never go away for as long as nothing changes, this song makes me feel strongly to keep moving forward no matter what and to always choose love, especially self-love. That I am enough just as I am and on my way to something good, perhaps even better.

I’ll be on my way
I’ll be on my way
I’ll be on my way

(I’ll be on my way)

Took the long way
Took the long way

(I’ll be on my way)

Not got half
Half of what we got
Not got half of what we got

(I’ll be on my way)

Can you hear its echo, Victor?

When we love, invincible

(I’ll be on my way)

I also like the song “The Dark” because of these lines:

We all could
We all could use some redemption
We all fail
Fail in the face of perfection

Surrender to apologies
Oh-oh, but you gotta bury me?
Why ya gotta bury me?

Come find me in the dark
Come find me in the dark, yeah

Come find me in the dark
Come find me in the dark

Is there a thread of connection?
Is there a deeper confession?
Let’s find a way into the clear

I’ll find you in the dark
Come find me in the dark, yeah

Yeah, yeah

I’ll find you in the dark
Come find me in the dark

Let us lift

Before, I wondered if there is a single person with no issues at all in this life. Because I have a lot that bothers me. So, I began to observe quietly. I learned there is no single person with a painless life, you have to be dead to be painless. We will all find ourselves in the dark at one point or another. No one’s exempted. And we just need to be kind to ourselves and to others when that happens.

What I just shared describes how “Earthling” affected me. It has become my favorite album, thanks to the accessibility of lyrics or else I would not understand more than just one line knowing how Eddie sings, especially how he enunciates what he is singing about. Still, his voice is one of my refuge or source of comfort and stability from this constantly changing world. Eddie, for sure, wrote the songs for different reasons which affected me in a different way, and I believe this is fine with him. First time that I am writing a post while sitting in a lotus position with the laptop between my knees. It’s been difficult to write these days because of social media addiction. I should get back to reading books.

I would like to end this post with “Invincible,” At first I thought Eddie said, “I am invincible. When we love.” When what he actually said, after checking the lyrics, was “Ah ah ah invincible, when we love.” I love this song.

Last night, I was listening to a cover version of someone of Pearl Jam’s “Better Man” on The Howard Stern Show. It was okay because I could understand the lyrics clearly as compared to Eddie’s original version. Of course, nothing comes close to Eddie’s dynamic performance of the song. My sister, who noticed what I was watching, got curious to ask me what is my number one favorite Pearl Jam song.

Thought it would be easy to answer, it was not.

Pearl Jam had eleven studio albums already and it is hard to pick one song only. “Jeremy” came to mind but it became my favorite when I was 19, the age when I became a fan of the band. Now that I am 43, at a different stage, I emphatically replied “Lightning Bolt.”

Written, composed, and sung by Ross Childress in 1999 as a member of Collective Soul. This was the first time that a member other than Ed Roland had sung lead on a studio recording. If there is such a thing as eye-catching, this one is the most ear-catching track from their album, Dosage.

This is my favorite live performance of Collective Soul and one of my favorite songs from their album, Dosage. That’s Ross Childress (lead and rhythm guitars), Will Turpin (bass, percussion), Shane Evans (drums, percussion), Dean Roland (keyboards, rhythm guitars), and Ed Roland (vocals, guitars).

Was watching a 2019 performance of The Cure when they were inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Then got interested to read this article, when Robert Smith, the constant member and co-founder of The Cure, looks back on their 40 years.

“Honestly, I don’t care. I’ve never thought about legacy. You don’t attend your own funeral. It doesn’t fucking matter, does it? I’ve got a list of things not to pay at my funeral, but beyond that, I don’t care much about my legacy.

“My intention is really just to enjoy what I’m doing as I’m doing it and to feel that I’m doing whatever I’m doing as well as I can. That’s just my upbringing. A thing worth doing is worth doing well. It’s very old-fashioned, but you tend to enjoy things more if you put everything into it. You get a lot more out of it. This summer, the intention of the band is to play like there’s no tomorrow. If anything, that will be the legacy of the band.

“As a band, I think probably the fact that we achieved a certain degree of success and maintained it on our own terms, I think that would be the legacy that I’d be proud of, as I enter old age, to think I was part of it. But a personal legacy, honestly, it’s not important. I don’t have children, so I don’t have to worry about anything that happens after.”

~Robert Smith of The Cure

Taken from this article, “The Cure’s Robert Smith Looks Back: I’ve Never Thought About Legacy” by Kory Grow, 18 October 2019, rollingstone.com

https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-features/cure-band-robert-smith-interview-40-live-893005/

Bonus: Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails inducts The Cure at the 2019 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony

They were next to perform and next we heard were young girls screaming. Excitement filled the air. I thought the Eraserheads were onstage I forgot it is no longer 90s. A stranger behind me was laughing, finding it strange that those boys onstage in 70s getup have fans. I, too, was wondering. Until they played that first song. It was my first time to see them perform. Galing! Particularly when they remained unaffected with all the cheer and they were all in character. Just there to play music all the way. I looked back to the guy behind me and said, “Magaling pala eh.” To which he agreed while he was grooving to the music of IV of Spades. (10 December 2017)

That was how I got to see again Zild Benitez and Blaster Silonga, members of IV of Spades, who I both first saw in a contest for young people, Eat Bulaga’s “Music Hero.”

I hated Zild in that contest while I rooted for Blaster.

The latter won.

But both of them would later on become part of the longest noontime show’s new band as bass guitarist and lead guitarist, for being one of the grand finalists and grand winner, respectively. Actually, the band all comprised of the grand finalists that it felt like it did not matter who won in the first place.

Until one day, I no longer see the two of them in the show.

One night, in an event called “Alab ng Puso,” a human rights concert, a new band of kids would appear. And I couldn’t believe my eyes seeing two members of the band who looked familiar, seeing Zild in a different persona (can’t take my eyes off him!) while Blaster as always was strutting his guitar stuff melodiously.

And I got fascinated as well with their frontman’s vocals.

The drummer sounded like a veteran.

Everything about and everyone in the band IV of Spades I like.

Then the lead vocals left the band to become a solo artist. Zild stepped up as the frontman of IV of Spades. Then the band made a hiatus as each member is pursuing different interests.

Thanks to Facebook, I learned about one of Zild’s interests, when he released an album entitled “Huminga” which I now have a copy. Yes, my hate has transformed into love. This is the first CD I bought that is not from a record store or a physical store. I miss going to a record store, though. I wonder if there is still a record store since the pandemic. I will soon find out.

Zild’s “Huminga” made me happy, although it contains songs that talked about sadness and misery during a lockdown and the end of life. Happy because I would sing along with some of them, although the sound would lift you up, they keep me grounded. One track would make me groove when sitting and dance when standing. I once heard someone say that your initial reaction is your real, raw reaction. For no process of overthinking was made, it is instantaneous. So here is my initial reaction: “Huminga,” “Apat,” “Kyusi,” “Glyndel,” and “Hele” are my personal favorites the first time I listened to the album while holding the lyrics sheet.

“Huminga” contains illustrations by Sean Eloid Dominguez, photography by Shaira Luna, and layout by Daniel Aguilar. All songs written by Zild Benitez.

Still part of my wish to have a physical copy of this latest album of Pearl Jam. As an alternative, I am posting the full album I found in YouTube and the lyrics of each new song from Pearl Jam comprising of Eddie Jerome Vedder (lead vocalist, born on December 23, 1964), Michael David McCready (lead guitarist, born on April 5, 1966), Stone Gossard (rhythm and additional lead guitarist and co-lyricist, born on July 20, 1966), Jeffrey Ament (bass guitarist, born on March 10, 1963), and Matthew David Cameron (drummer, born on November 28, 1962). Thank you LyricFind and Musicmatch for the lyrics.

WHO EVER SAID (Vedder)

Drowning in their dissertations
Random speakers in my mind
Yeah, they never stop their fortifications
And blocking my precious time
You used to let it go and let it float away
You don’t get to speak with twice as much to say

It’s all delivery
Oh, said the messenger who is now dead
Was all on the periphery
I didn’t see him but I heard what he said
Oh, sideways talk poisoning our thoughts
Everyone walks and it’s no one’s fault

Whoever said it’s all been said
Gave up on satisfaction
Whoever said it’s all been said
Gave up on satisfaction
Whoever said it’s all been said
Gave up on satisfaction

Whoever said it’s all been said
Gave up on satisfaction
Whoever said it’s all been said
Gave up on satisfaction
Whoever said it’s all been said
Gave up on satisfaction

Home is where the broken heart is
Home is where every scar is
Blinking stars, beneath you roam
Room to tomb and cradle to grave
All the answers will be found
In the mistakes that we have made

One bad ear and one eye blind
It takes a village but don’t take mine
Living forward in a backwards town
I feed ’em drinks just to watch ’em drown

Swallow my pencil and bleed out my pen
Surrender the wish we’ll be together again
But I won’t give up
No I won’t give up on satisfaction, satisfaction

Give up on satisfaction

Pull myself aside on a sleepless night
Sadness blurs, I’m in need of a light
Out of balance, balance, balance this time
I’m feeling fading calling as I’m falling out of sight

As the silence gets louder my heart gets pounding
And ventricles pumping, working overtime
Our freedoms fraught with danger being circumscribed
A life cut short and circumcised
A rubble of commandments from the road, step aside
A rumble of commandments in the road, step aside

Whoever said it’s all been said
Gave up on satisfaction
Whoever said it’s all been said
Gave up on satisfaction
Whoever said it’s all been said
Gave up on satisfaction
Satisfaction

SUPERBLOOD WOLFMOON (Vedder)

Superblood wolfmoon
Took her away too soon
Superblood wolfmoon
Took her away too soon

I can hear you singing in the distance
I can see you when I close my eyes
Once you were somewhere and now you’re everywhere
I’m feeling selfish and I want what’s right
I ask for forgiveness, I beg of myself
Feeling angry, knock it off the shelf

Right now I feel a lack of innocence
Searching for reveal, hypnotic resonance
I feel not much of anything
And the cause is life or death
Throughout the hopelessness, focus on your focusness
I’ve been hoping that our hope dies last
I don’t know anything, I question everything
This life I love is going way too fast
Both my eyes are swollen, my face is broken
And I’m hoping that I hurt your
Hoping that I hurt your
Hoping that I hurt your fist

She was a stunner and I am stunned
And the first thought and second thought was
“Could be the one”
I was a prisoner, her keys and the cuffs
Yeah, I was feeling fortunate to be locked up
But the world kept a-spinning
Always felt like it was ending
And love notwithstanding
We are each of us fucked

I would hear you singing in the distance
I can see you when I close my eyes
Once you were somewhere and now you’re everywhere
I’m feeling selfish and I want what’s right
I ask for forgiveness, I beg of myself
Feeling angry, knock it off the shelf

Superblood wolfmoon
Took her away too soon
Superblood wolfmoon
Took her away too soon
Superblood wolfmoon
Took her away too soon

I can hear you singing in the distance
I can see you when I close my eyes
Once you were somewhere and now you’re everywhere
I’m feeling selfish and I want what’s right

Focus on your focusness, don’t allow for hopelessness
I’ve been hoping that our hope dies last
I don’t know anything, I question everything
This life I love is going way too fast

DANCE OF THE CLAIRVOYANTS (Vedder, Ament, Cameron, McCready, Gossard)

Confusion is to commotion
What love is to our devotion
Imperceptibly big
Big as the ocean
And equally hard to control

So save your predictions
And burn your assumptions
Love is friction
Ripe for comfort
Endless equations
And tugging persuasions
Doors open up
To interpretation
Expecting perfection
Leaves a lot to ignore
When the past is the present
And the future’s no more
When every tomorrow
Is the same as before
The looser things get
The tighter you become
The looser things get
Tighter
Not one man can be greater than the sun
That’s not a negative thought
I’m positive, positive, positive
Falling down, not staying down
Coulda held me up, rather tear me down
Drown in the river

Expecting perfection
Leaves a lot to endure
When the past is the present
And the future’s no more
When every tomorrow
Is the same as before
Numbers keep falling off the calendar’s floor
We’re stuck in our boxes
Windows open no more
Collecting up the forget-me-nots
Not recalling what they’re for
I’m in love with clairvoyants
‘Cause they’re out of this world
I know the girls wanna dance
Away their circumstance
I know the boys wanna grow
Their dicks, and fix and fire things
I know the girls wanna dance
Clairvoyants in a trance
I know the boys wanna grow
Their dicks and fix and fire things
Stand back when the spirit comes
Stand back when the spirit comes
Stand back when the spirit comes
Stand back
Stand back when the spirit comes

Stand back when the spirit comes
Stand back when the spirit comes
Stand back
Stand back when the spirit comes
Stand back when the spirit comes
Stand back when the spirit comes
Stand back
I know the girls wanna dance
Away their circumstance
I know the boys wanna grow
Their dicks and fix and fire things
Drown in the river
Stand back when the spirit comes
Stand back when the spirit comes
Stand back when the spirit comes
Stand back

Stand back when the spirit comes
Stand back when the spirit comes
Stand back when the spirit comes
Stand back (Their dicks, and fix and fire things)
Stand back when the spirit comes
Stand back when the spirit comes
Stand back when the spirit comes
(Drown in the river)

QUICK ESCAPE (Vedder)

Reconnaissance on the corner
In the old world not so far
First we took an aeroplane
Then a boat to Zanzibar
Queen cranking on the blaster
And the Mercury did rise
Came along where we all belonged
You were yours, and I was mine

Yeah, yeah
Had to quick escape
Had to quick escape
Had to quick escape
Had

Crossed the border to Morocco
Kashmir to Marrakesh
The lengths we had to go to then
To find a place Trump hadn’t fucked up yet
Living life on the back porch
Lifting rocks to make a wage
Every sunset paid attention to
Not a starry night went to waste

Had to quick escape
Had to quick escape
Had to quick escape

And here we are, the red planet
Craters cross the skyline
A sleep sack in a bivouac
And a Kerouac sense of time
Oh, and we think about the old days
Of green grass, sky and red wine
Should’ve known, so fragile
Avoided this one-way flight

Had to quick escape
Had to quick escape
Had to quick escape
Had

ALRIGHT (Vedder)

You can’t hide the lies
In the rings of a tree
If your heart still beats free
Keep it for yourself

When you want to run
And leave some part unrevealed
Like the flight of the bee
Keep it for yourself

It’s alright to be alone
To listen for a heartbeat
It’s your own
It’s alright to quiet up
To disappear in thin air
It’s your own

Should your living truth die
Could be an acid trip
Leave the Eucharist whole
Keep it for yourself

If you tire of the game
Hit the road towards the clouds
Find your groove in the sound
Keep it for yourself

It’s alright to say no
Be a disappointment in your own home
It’s alright to turn it off
Ignore the rules of the state
It’s your own

It’s alright to shut it down
Disappear in thin air
It’s your home
It’s alright to be alone
To listen for a heartbeat
It’s your own

You can’t hide your eyes

SEVEN O’CLOCK (Vedder)

Seven o’clock in the morning, got a message from afar
Down under an oasis where there are dreams still being born
And summer spoke to winter relaying all encouraging words
And I was fully grateful mutant messages were heard

Moved on from my despondency and left it in the bed
Do I leave it there still sleeping or maybe kill it, better yet?
For this is no time for depression or self-indulgent hesitance
This fucked-up situation calls for all hands, hands on deck

Freedom is as freedom does and freedom is a verb
They giveth and they taketh and you fight to keep that what you’ve earned
We saw the destination, got so close before it turned
Swim sideways from this undertow and do not be deterred

Floodlight dreams go drifting past
All the lines we could’ve had
Distant loves floating above
Close these eyes, they’ve seen enough

Caught the butterfly, broke its wing then put it on display
Was stripped of all its beauty once it could not fly high away
Oh, still alive like a passer-by overdosed on gamma rays
Another God’s creation destined to be thrown away

Sitting Bull and Crazy Horse they forged the north and west
Then you got Sitting Bullshit as our sitting President
Oh, talking to his mirror, what’s he say? What’s it say back?
A tragedy of errors, who’ll be the last to have a laugh?

His best days gone, hard to admit
Throwing angry punches with nothing to hit
Luminous thoughts were once all he had
Fading lights, lost eloquence
There’s still a fire in the engine room
Knows relief will be coming soon

What’s to be done
Carve a path for rivers reign
Much to be done
Oceans rising with the waves

So held by these thoughts
They refuse to slip away
Hangman in dreamland
About to call your name

Much to be done
Much to be
Much to be done
Much to be
Much to be done
Much to be
Much to be done

NEVER DESTINATION (Vedder)

Blisters on my fingers, blisters on my brain
Blisters on the voices, crazy makes insane
There’s an angry sea, an ocean in my eyes
The waves are rolling, I’m becoming blind
I won’t be taken, won’t take myself
Kicking and screaming, have to knock me off the shelf
Feels like illusion, this taking place?
Disease of confusion, stripped of our grace

Don’t wanna believe it, these endless miles
Never destination, just more denial
More denial

Some resolution, some justice tied
To this collusion, hiding in plain sight
Say see-ya later, never say goodbye
This is a little trick I play on my own mind
I am a recluse in search of new friends
Are they gonna find me back where the road ends?
Off in the distance, leviathans
50 foot and breaking on our innocence

Don’t wanna believe it, these endless miles
Never destination, just more denial
More denial

I can’t believe it, these endless lies
Never destination, just more denial
More denial

When you make the drop, the gaping maw
When you make the drop, the gaping maw
Makes us alive, should we survive
When you make the drop, the gaping maw
Keeps us alive, survive
When you make the drop, the gaping maw

Thank you Bob Honey, thanks Paul Theroux
If I ever did, to this place let me go
Off in the distance, leviathans
50 foot and breaking on my innocence
I won’t be taken, won’t take myself
Kicking and screaming, have to knock me off the shelf
Say see-ya later, never say goodbye
This is a little trick I play on my own mind

Don’t wanna believe it, these endless miles
Never destination, just more denial

She was a singer in a rock-n-roll band
Had command of all her voices
Turned herself into a hologram
It all came down to choices
So I say ’til then, never say goodbye
A little trick I play on my mind

TAKE THE LONG WAY (Vedder)

You got me through these feelings
That separate me from you

I put myself through a beating
I need you to pull me through

I’ll break through these feelings
I’ll break through the ceiling

I always take the long way, the long way
I always take the long way
That leads me back to you
I always take the long way, the long way
I always take the long way
That leads me back to you

Now’s the time to resurface
Take back me and you
The hammer will fall on purpose
Oh, our time, our truth

I’ll break through these feelings
I’ll break through the ceiling

I always take the long way, the long way
I always take the long way
That leads me back to you
I always take the long way, the long way
I always take the long way
That leads me back to you

Plant a seed in your mind
What’s yours is mine
Show me how to live divine
What’s yours is mine
Back to a moment in your mind
Go back in time
Show me how to live divine
What’s yours is mine

BUCKLE UP (Gossard)

I got blood
Blood on my hands
The stain of
Of a human

I finally awoke
To my mother’s wrath
Call lights
Bed sores and sponge baths

Firstly do no harm
Then put your seatbelt on

Buckle up
Buckle up

The drapes pull back
Reveal her wound
Her boy on her lap
A murderer groomed

Antiquities lost
Lost to the Nile
A sudden slip
A fall on the time

Firstly do no harm
Then put your seatbelt on

Buckle up
Buckle up
Buckle up
Buckle up

COMES THEN GOES (Vedder)

High or low, where’d you go
Are you stuck in the middle
A spectral invisible ghost
I’m here juxtaposed
Like images of angels in the snow
Our courage melts away, it comes then goes

Where you been, can I find
A glimpse of my friend
Don’t know where or when one of us left
The other behind
Divisions came and troubles multiplied
Incisions made by scalpel blades of time

Comes then goes
Comes then goes

Can I say, how ya been?
I can guess and conjecture
My altered perceptions unclear
Please interfere
Sadness comes, with it a sea of tears
Would some love be best had it not appeared?

Is this you?
Here I stand
Intense recollections of pain
Self-neglecting again
Like you, I keep it in
Thought you found a game where you could win
Yeah, it’s all vivisection in the end

Comes then goes
Comes then goes
Comes then goes

High or low, try again
She fell off the altar
A vision you caught her but then
A woodcut in red
I wish it was not you that she had led
Selfish navigation with no end

Where’d ya sleep
Can I find a deeper connection
In the face of rejection
I’m trying
I’m trying
Evidence in the echoes of your mind
Leads to me to believe we missed the signs

Can I try one last time?
Could all use a savior from human behavior sometimes
And the kids are alright
The Queen of Collections took your time
Sadness comes ’cause some of it was mine

Comes then goes
Comes then goes
Comes then goes
Comes then goes

RETROGRADE (Vedder, McCready)

Comes the summer rain
Cue the lightning and far off thunder again
Projecting through the clouds
Meditations, drifting off in the sound

The more mistakes, the more resolve
It’s gonna take much more than ordinary love
To lift this up

Stars align they say when
Things are better than right now
Feel the retrograde spin us round, round
Seven seas are raising
Forever futures fading out
Feel the retrograde all around, round

Accelerate the change
Feeling equal and opposite all the same
Momentum rearranged
Shout, the echo, returning back but now changed

The rusted shapes refuse to fall
It’s gonna take much more than ordinary love
To lift this up

Stars align they say when
Times are better than right now
Feel the retrograde spin us round, round
Seven seas are raising
Forever futures fading out
Feel the retrograde all around, round

Hear the sound
In the distance, now
Could be thunder
Or a crowd

RIVER CROSS (Vedder)

I always thought I’d cross that river
The other side, distant now
As I got close it turned and widened
Horizon now, fading out

Drifting off in the undertow
Can’t spot a figure on dry land
And afterthoughts of safety
When in truth, none to be had
None to be had

I used to tell time by my shadow
‘Til the thunderclouds, they took the stage
These days will end as do the light’s rays
Another read of the same page

Wide awake through this deepest night
Still waiting on the sun
As the hours seem to multiply
Find a star to soldier on
Living beneath a lion’s paw
Knowing nothing can be tamed
Can be tamed

I want this dream to last forever
A wish denied to lengthen our time
I wish this moment was never ending
Let it be a lie that all future’s die

While the government thrives on discontent
And there’s no such thing as clear
Proselytizing and profitizing
As our will all but just disappears
Folded over, forced in a choke hold
Outnumbered and held down
And all these talk of rapture
Look around at the promise now

Here and now
Here and now
Can’t hold me down
Can’t hold me down
Won’t hold us down
Won’t hold us down

Live it out
Let it out
Get it out
Shout it out
Won’t hold us down
Won’t hold us down

Share the light
Won’t hold us down
Share the light
Won’t hold us down
Share the light
Won’t hold us down
Share the light
Won’t hold us down
Share the light
Won’t hold us down
Share the light
Won’t hold us down
Share the light
Won’t hold us down
Share the light
Won’t hold us down
Share the light
Won’t hold us down