“… I’ve dodged death. Something tells me there have been dozens more of these random circumstances.
“There might have been speeding cars, falling objects, poisonous squid balls. I surely would have been within sneezing distance of avian diseases and a light brush away from other regrettable and irreversible conditions.
“This letter is not about dying. It’s about growing old. At forty-three, weary and very much the worse for wear, I’ve accepted the deceivingly stupid fact that the only way to accomplish old age is to dodge death. These are trying times after all, and this is a pretty shitty place to live in.”
~ Letter to my Son by Sarge Lacuesta, from the book “A Waiting Room Companion”
___________________
It was the fifth month of the pandemic when I opened up to my crush about my eye strain and the anxiety that came with it. Told him I miss working in the office. And to cope, I lessened my time spent in social media and would rather read. He recommended an article for me to read, “James Baldwin: Letter from a Region in My Mind.” When I checked, my eyes easily got tired just by browsing through it, it was a long article from an online site. I tried reading it but the content was so serious and the English words were just so deep. I replied by showing him a picture of the cover of the book I was reading, a book by Bob Greene and Oprah Winfrey entitled “Make the Connection: Ten Steps to a Better Body–and a Better Life.” He told me to enjoy.
A few days later, my crush checked on me via messenger. Also, he messaged because he needed to get some contact numbers from me for him to text or call so he wouldn’t bother me with his request related to work. Incidentally, I was not feeling well that day. Told him about my eyes, my dogs, my father. Especially about my eyes. He got so worried. He said maybe it’s about time to wear eyeglasses and to take a rest even for just a few days. And to get a morning sunshine. To cut the long story short, I listened to his advice and took a sick leave. Which is sad. I’ve always wanted to rest but because we already have a work from home setup, I just thought it would not apply. I felt it would be embarrassing to ask. It was only when he said it that I got convinced that I really should take a rest.
It helped.
I snapped the morning sunshine when I remembered to take a picture then I sent it to him. He was an encouraging friend at that moment. He is turning out to be my friend. I also shared with him that I changed the book I was reading. Because I started reading Sarge Lacuesta’s “A Waiting Room Companion.” This book became my companion as I was adjusting to my eyeglasses, my aging eyesight, and with the pandemic. It was the start of my personal “new normal.” Because I was having difficulty, I would read the book one or two essays at a time. The book by Bob and Oprah I thought I do not need it (it’s a good book, though) since I already lost weight after changing my diet for the sake of my eyes.
“A Waiting Room Companion” is a compilation of Sarge Lacuesta’s essays and anecdotes. And I would get entertained by them. It was my first time to read one of his works and it felt like I was reading something similar to Friedrich Nietzsche’s writings in a modern way– there are points of view that you won’t get but there would be one sentence/paragraph or two that I would learn something from. For example, in his essay “If memory serves me right,” he was talking about cars. For someone like me who only appreciates cars by its aesthetics, and because the author writes so candidly about his experiences and insights about the different cars or engines, I also got interested.
“8. There have been many jeepney makers, but Sarao was the iconic brand for the King of the Road. It was custom-designed, hand-built, and in its better days festooned with swept-back antennae, springing horses, the name of the driver’s children, entire Bible passages, and sideboard art ripped off from the pages of Metal Hurlant—with lots of room to spare for the grandchildren’s names, because the jeepney was an heirloom, family enterprise, and status symbol all in one. They stuck a truck engine under the hood to carry all those passengers—up to twenty seven, according to the word on the streets–and all that extra metal sheeting…”
My favorite was when he joined a quiz bee during his elementary days.
“I was twelve or thirteen. Two of my classmates and I were handpicked among our entire Grade 6 class to be a contingent of contestants that would represent our school at a trivia quiz segment in a popular noontime show.
“I can’t remember the name of the game, much less the name of the show. I could make it up, of course, all in the spirit of working out the things in my past. I could look it up in the internet, too. But I have neither the energy nor the inclination, and I’m writing all this in a kind of rush because this is one of those things you forget to tell after so many years.”
Okay, I’ll stop there.
My favorites are also those last letters for his son and wife. And I get to see their pictures in that chapter’s pages. It was very touching. Especially when he spoke about growing old. He was 43 when he wrote it. I am now 42 so I found just what I was looking for, comfort. That I am not alone. Of course! It’s just that when you’re experiencing something new, it’s either a joy or a challenge. Mine is a challenge. I forgot that I am no longer 22. I am growing old and I am kind of introspective about this. (When I was younger, I wished to be old. Now that I’m old, ang hirap pala on the physical aspects. Although I am really not that old.)
I met sir Sarge in a fiction writing seminar. He had this deadpan humor which I could not forget. There was just something about him that is so likeable, an appeal as others would call it. So after meeting him, I got motivated to look for his books in National Bookstore. There was one I’ve found but it got damages and there were only two copies left. I just made a request from the Customer Service to wrap the book with a plastic cover for me to buy it since I was not given a discount (my copy got folds and wrinkles, the other copy got finger prints). I had to buy a plastic cover because I really wanted to buy the book. There were a few times that I watched sir Sarge on YouTube, watched two of his interviews when I was having anxiety and so deeply worried about a few things. Experiencing aging is scary pala. Having a book like “A Waiting Room Companion” and having a new interest in the person of sir Sarge and having a friend in the person of my crush at this time of pandemic—they helped get me through.
I finished reading the book January of this year. It felt rewarding to finish something. And I am just thankful of the rare moments that I was able to see my crush in person a few months after that fateful day that I shared with him about my anxiety. I saw him once in December 2020 and once in January 2021. And during those rare times, we haven’t got the chance to talk because of the circumstances and our different moods. Because I feel there is nothing to talk about. To see each other alive and well is enough. Besides, there is messenger where we communicate because of our different work. I wish we get to be real good friends. I wish him all the good things. About my eyes, I really need to be careful now and to take a rest from time to time. And to eat from time to time. Sometimes I forget to eat if I am too engrossed to finish something. I also need to remind myself to wear my eyeglasses, I am still not used to it although it’s a comfort to wear eyeglasses while working or reading because I get to see clearly. I am also thankful that we are back to work in the office on a rotating basis to comply with the health protocols.
Rhythm and blues 